Sometimes We Just Can’t Have It All
By: April Edwards
June 3, 2013
So I’ve been blessed with a healthy beautiful child from a previous (yet toxic) relationship and decided (after much needed convincing) that it’s time that I give love another chance. I cross paths and fall in love with a gentleman who was married once before and has identical twin sons from the marriage. (Instant Family – Just add Water!) After 2 years of dating, we discover that we are about to add another blessing to the group, and he arrived on February 6, of this year! Two months afterward marked our 3rd year together and a marriage proposal followed immediately after. Sounds blissful, right?! Indeed! Like most relationships, we’ve have had many trials and struggles. But we’ve experienced such positive and wonderful things together, that none of that mess seems to matter.
Like many women who have been proposed to, the next call of duty is to plan the nuptial ceremony and reception. Heck, some of us don’t even need a Groom-To-Be to get that process going, am I right? They’ve got the blueprint, the color-schemes, the seating and floral arrangements all mapped out and the ONLY interchangeable item on the vision board is the groom’s face (Go ahead and tell me I’m lying). But what do you do when both sides of the marital equation are “coming in heavy” with kids, and combined debt, and a small amount of assets (if any at all)?
You see, though I am a woman of small means I do have very lavish visions and expectations when it comes to certain aspects of my life. This will be my FIRST and FINAL wedding, so the only [fair] thing for me to do is splurge; NO EXCEPTIONS. But over the years of being [Single] Mommy, I’ve also learned and have become well-versed in the concept of Sacrifice. I’ve sacrificed my sleep, my sanity, my need to shop (for myself), even my meals on occasion so that my baby can eat. Even though things aren’t as financially rough this time around, I now have 2 children to nurture… soon-to-be 4 (5, if you count the new husband, Hee Hee). So where does the lavish wedding planning fit in? It doesn’t…
After long, stressful research, and careful consideration and even attempting to begin the eco-friendly planning process, I still cannot justify spending any amount of money on a few hours of celebration. The average (and I stress, AVERAGE) cost of a wedding here in New York is $28K, which is the cost of one year of college!!! (PAUSE – Let that marinade a little bit…) That’s a down payment on a home, a vehicle, a year of college that I’d be handing over to the Florist, the Caterer, the Stationer, the Venue, the Officiant… need I go on?! It hurts my feelings to even admit that I have to let the dream go, but I have to keep it real with myself. My fiancé and I are still living in separate homes and we need to concentrate more on being under the same roof with our family first, before we can think about writing checks to vendors and ordering party favors and the like. I have to be reasonable, I have to be rational and I have to consider the children and their needs before my own. We have 4 kids to send to prom, to witness high-school graduations and fund college educations for (to say the least). Yikes! My head is spinning at the idea.
I will admit though, the woman on the inside is screaming, crying at the top of her lungs, stamping her feet, and then rolling around on the floor in her own tears like a bratty 3 year-old because she’s not getting her dream wedding. But like most other disappointments I’ve lived through, I’ll get over it. I don’t have a choice. I’m a Mommy and that’s what Mommies do; we press forward. And I know that some of you will suggest that I go to the Justice of the Peace now, and “celebrate” 5 years later… No, thank you. By that time, I’ll be spending that money to take the kids to Disney World, because the baby will be old enough to enjoy it by then. And I’m truthfully not into the whole do it small now and do it big later thing. We’re already married, what difference will make 5 years later? (Can you taste the bitter in my tone? LOL ) One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I’m an extremist most of the time. It’s ALL or NOTHING when it comes to the things I desire. And in this case… it’s nothing. Unless we win the Mega Millions!
Sometimes we just can’t have it all…
Recently engaged mother of 2 (soon-to-be 4), with a passion for Children, Good Books, Good Food, Vintage Style clothing and Music.